


it don't matter (just as long as i get all you tonight)

by shirosayas (landfill)



Category: NU'EST
Genre: Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Childhood Friends, Established Relationship, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Light Angst, M/M, Mars, Porn With Plot, Quick Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:46:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21718633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/landfill/pseuds/shirosayas
Summary: in which minhyun has constant nsfw thoughts about his boyfriend, dongho is trying not to lose his shit, aron just want minki to step on him and jonghyun almost regrets restarting this ragtag band of disaster gays.or alternatively:“i just want to do things to him,” minhyun grumbles. “like, i wanna hold his fucking hand.”“wow, how dirty.” jonghyun deadpans. “it’s almost like you’re not a virgin. ohwait.”
Relationships: Choi Minki | Ren/Kim Jonghyun | JR/Aaron Kwak | Aron, Hwang Minhyun/Kang Dongho | Baekho
Comments: 16
Kudos: 80
Collections: N.S.S. 2019





	it don't matter (just as long as i get all you tonight)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jjubugi (swelter)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/swelter/gifts).



> happy holidays everyone!
> 
> first off, ur probably sick of my apologies. but i want to thank the amazing mods for organising this fic fest and dealing with my bs. you guys are truly the mvps. bless ur souls. for the last time, i'm so sorry u had to put up with me, but seriously, thank you.
> 
> to my recipient, i'm so sorry that this came late, and this is probably not what u had in mind for your prompt so i apologise. i was watching carole & tuesday during the early conceptions of this fic which influenced the decision to set it in mars, which ended up having no consequential impact at all bc i didn't have time to flesh out the parts i had planned. i could honestly go on and on about the shortcomings of this fic, but despite its imperfections, i hope you enjoy it in some way or another. 
> 
> as always, i want to thank my love for always being there to hold my hand. without you, nothing would be possible. me finishing this is a christmas miracle in itself. and also thank you to red velvet for releasing the song of the year to help me power thru like 80% of this fic. stream #Psycho for the strength of wendy's scalp and a renewed will to live. amen.

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“We’re going up in ten—” Jonghyun announces as he enters the room. He's a little alarmed when his quick headcount of their five-man band comes up two short. 

“Okay…” he drawls, “where are they?”

“Who?” Aron asks with a yawn, voice groggy from sleep. He's lying on the lap of a snoozing Minki, who has also just woken up from Jonghyun’s voice. If this was any other time, Jonghyun would take a moment to appreciate the adorable scene. 

But it isn’t. Because they’re on the next slot. So Jonghyun really doesn’t have time for this. 

“You know _who_ ,” he sighs. The band before them is starting their last song as he speaks. How are they supposed to perform as a vocal band if their two vocalists are _missing_? 

Aron gives the room a quick once-over and the realisation hits him aloud. “Oh.” He shrugs. “Dunno.” 

“Hyung!” Jonghyun says, exasperated. “I told you to keep your eyes on them!”

Aron tries to get up, but Minki’s hand is still tangled in his hair, absentmindedly stroking his head. It draws a hum of contentment from Aron (Jonghyun doesn’t blame him, Minki do have really nice hands), but he’s at least conscientious enough to look apologetic. 

“Sorry, I was uh.” Aron tilts his head, breaking into a smile as watches Minki blinks himself awake. “Distracted?”

“They said they were taking a quick breather,” Minki recalls, pulling his phone out of his pocket and squints. “But that was like, twenty minutes ago?” 

Jonghyun exhales, spinning on his heel, muttering expletives as he leaves the room.

“I am going to _kill_ them.”

**««**

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**««**

“We should start a band.”

It wasn’t so much as an announcement as it was a simple statement, a throwaway comment that Jonghyun didn’t think anyone would pay attention to. But for the first time ever, the chatter between his friends immediately cease. Silence drawing all eyes in the room toward Jonghyun, waiting for him to further elaborate.

Instead, he freezes up, returning their blank stares with his own. He really didn’t think that they would be having this conversation now. 

“What?” Minki breaks the tension, as always. “Like, a _band_ band?”

“Yeah,” Jonghyun affirms, sounding as calm as ever even as his thumbs twiddle nervously. “I’ve been thinking about it for a long time. I mean, why haven’t we?”

Seungcheol’s brows are raised in concern. “...Is this because of what those tenth graders said?” 

“No.” Jonghyun frowns. But he catches himself on his own lie and backs down just as quickly. “I mean, maybe? Kind of? I just…” 

In his panic, his eyes fall to Minki out of habit, who kindly pretends not to notice Jonghyun’s hesitance and urges him to continue with a gentle gaze. 

“I… I think it’d be fun,” Jonghyun says, deciding to be sincere with his feelings instead. “And I really want to try it. And I don’t want to pressure anyone, but I can’t imagine playing without you guys.”

The three blank stares he receives as replies leave him squirming on his (Minki’s) chair. He almost considered rescinding the ridiculous suggestion until Dongho breaks and they burst out in laughter all at once, much to Jonghyun’s equal dismay and relief.

“Hey! What’s so funny?” Jonghyun whines. 

“Sorry, sorry.” Dongho grins, cheeks round and toothy. “It’s just—”

“You were being so earnest all of a sudden. We didn’t know how to properly respond,” Seungcheol explains. 

“Not that you needed to ask in the first place, idiot.” Minki reaches out and punches his arm fondly. “Though, it was sweet of you to anyways.”

Jonghyun smiles, unable to contain the warmth of joy bursting through his cheeks. “I love you guys.”

“So we’re doing this? We’re really doing this?” Dongho blinks with uncertainty. “Will we be enough?”

“What do you mean?” Minki asks. “Between the four of us, haven’t we already covered everything?”

“I think he’s talking about a vocal. We don’t have a vocal.” Seungcheol says, to which Dongho affirms with a nod.

Jonghyun pouts. “Why do we need vocals? What’s wrong with being an instrumental band?” 

“Nothing’s wrong with it,” Seungcheol assures him. “But you have to admit, people tend to prefer listening to music with lyrics.” 

“Okay, then, is one of us going to sing?” Jonghyun asks. It’s a difficult choice, because they’re all practising instrumentalists. Having to sing on top of that isn’t easy. 

“Actually,” Dongho interjects, “can I make a suggestion?” 

Jonghyun nods. “Sure, what is it?” 

Now that he’s confronted with his own idea, Dongho feels his face heating rapidly for some reason. Perhaps he’s biased, but he can’t think of anyone else more perfect. And even if he’s wrong, it would still be a valid excuse to see _him_ again. 

The thought is enough for Dongho to steel himself. He forces some faux-confidence with a laugh before he hesitates any further. 

“So, I actually have this friend…” 

**»»**

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**»»**

“Hey, Minhyun.”

“Hm?”

“Minhyun— _ah!”_ Dongho gasps, not expecting the sudden bite to his collarbone. “Aren’t we forgetting something?”

Minhyun hums, not really paying attention to what Dongho is saying, too busy licking appreciatively at the new hickey he has just planted on Dongho’s chest. “Maybe?” 

_“Wait,”_ Dongho whines, pushing Minhyun back so he has enough space to prop himself up on his elbows. “I mean it.” He frowns at Minhyun, brows furrow, eyes rounding in confusion. It’s a little too cute for Minhyun’s heart if he’s being honest. “Aren’t we performing soon?”

Even without the reminder, Minhyun isn’t one to lose track of time so easily. He knows they have about five minutes tops before Aron or Jonghyun barrels into the trailer and berate them for being irresponsible adults. Maybe it’s wiser if he shows some self-restraint now so they can avoid the potential lecture altogether. 

But it’s hard not to focus on Dongho, still lying underneath him, waiting patiently for a response. Minhyun just stares at him, fascinated by the way light reflects in Dongho’s soft brown eyes. He can’t look away. Not from Dongho’s swollen lips, parted as he quietly pants, pink as the flush running down his exposed chest, a generous view provided by his half-unbuttoned shirt.

“We still have some time left.” Minhyun smiles. It’s not exactly a lie. “Why? Do you want to stop?” 

He can tell Dongho is having a hard time debating as well, ever the responsible boy scout. That said, it’s such an unfamiliar contrast to how he normally is — easily worked up and eager to jump on Minhyun at any chance — that it grates on Minhyun’s pride a little. He only teases Dongho for acting like a hormonal teenager because it’s easier than admitting that he likes being Dongho’s biggest distraction. But having to imagine the concept of being anything less than Dongho’s first choice? 

Minhyun feels something dark and primal stirring inside of him, something ugly. Unpleasant sentiments he can’t fathom from those thoughts alone. 

So Minhyun let his fingers run down Dongho’s neck, tracing the edge of the star tattoo. He pretends like he’s clueless, chesire smile growing as nervous sweat beads on Dongho’s forehead. He pretends like he doesn’t know that it’s distracting. But he does. He knows Dongho is struggling to focus. He knows this is unfair.

But isn’t Dongho being just as unfair?

Eventually, Dongho drops back onto the couch as Minhyun continues to caress his skin, unable to hold back the sharp inhale when Minhyun’s thumb brushes against his nipple over and over again. It takes him a full minute before he can finally respond, forearm hiding his flushed face, embarrassed to admit how much he enjoys this. “No, I don’t…”

Minhyun thinks he’s fucking adorable. And he has no idea that this is what riles Minhyun up the most. That Dongho can’t see it. How beautiful he looks as Minhyun takes him apart, how easily he intoxicates Minhyun when they’re this close, face to face, skin to skin, and Minhyun can see everything. From the way his mouth hangs open, spilling hushed moans stirred with Minhyun’s name, to the canvas of milky white skin underneath, marred by a constellation of purple marks that Minhyun painted himself. 

Beautiful is an understatement. Minhyun thinks he’s a damn masterpiece. 

“Me neither,” Minhyun admits, not wasting a single moment as he gently pries Dongho’s arm away and dives down to take Dongho’s lips again. He loves how Dongho melts into it so easily, automatically curling his arms around Minhyun’s neck as he deepens the kiss. 

If Minhyun has to confess, his favourite sounds from Dongho are not the words he speaks or the songs he sings, but the whimpers and low moans that he shares in this small space with Minhyun. Like the secrets only Minhyun was allowed to know as they grew up together. Like Dongho can’t trust anyone else with his entire being. 

It’s selfish (and lucky) of him, but Minhyun wouldn’t have it any other way. 

His fingers are hooking around the strap of Dongho’s belt, tugging it loose, quickly proceeding to unzip Dongho’s pants. Dongho let out another filthy moan in his ear as Minhyun licks at the stubbles growing on his jaw, sliding his hand down Dongho’s hips and inside his briefs to stroke his—

—the trailer’s door suddenly slams open too quickly for them to register. It’s immediately followed by a horrified screech that shamefully snaps the both of them back to reality.

Minhyun watches in amusement as Dongho practically throttles himself upright, pushing Minhyun away as he shoves his palms uselessly into the air, as if it’ll cover up any evidence of indecency. “Wait, wait, wait—” 

“—MY FUCKING EYES!”

Dongho buries his face into his hands while Minhyun tries not to laugh as they listen to Aron’s distant screaming. 

“Get off each other _you horndogs_!” Jonghyun yells from outside, having wisely chosen not to barge in like Aron because he knew better. “In case you’ve already forgotten, we have a show to perform!”

**««**

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**««**

“Dongho! Over here!”

“Hey hyung,” Dongho greets as he approaches Aron. “Where’s Jonghyun and Minki?” 

“Jonghyun’s stuck at the station because he dropped his card again. So Minki is running to his rescue.” Aron sighs. “Maybe I should try being the damsel in distress once in a while.” 

“Well, that’s… one way to get his attention.” Dongho laughs as he sets down his equipment. Aron’s obsession with Minki is so over the top that Dongho still can’t tell whether his crush is genuine or just an overly-committed joke. Regardless, Minki firmly believes that it’s the latter and hasn’t once accepted Aron’s advances, which Dongho finds highly amusing. 

“Right?” Aron snickers to himself. Then he looks at Dongho, or the space around him that is, and raises a questioning brow. “Is Minhyun not coming? I don’t see him with you.”

“Oh! He’ll be a little late ‘cause he was running errands for his sister,” Dongho explains. “He said we can start the set without him though.” 

“Cool, cool.” Aron checks his phone again, not for the time but probably because he’s expecting a text from Minki. Dongho knows because the expensive watch on Aron’s wrist isn’t just for show (but it kind of is?).

As Dongho starts unloading, he realises this is probably the first time he has been alone with Aron. They haven’t spent much time getting to know each other outside of the band either. It's not that Aron makes him feel awkward or anything, at least not anymore.

Truthfully, he only saw Aron as Seungcheol’s replacement at first. But that’s all in the past, and Dongho knows Aron's a good guy. He watches out for them like an older brother, but he's not uptight and jokes around with them like any other same-aged friend. It's no wonder why the band has warmed up to him so quickly. 

“Here you go,” Aron says, handing Dongho the adaptor he was scouring for without being asked. It’s another case in point of how smoothly Aron has integrated himself into their group. Dongho takes it with a grateful smile.

“By the way, if you don’t mind me asking, what’s the deal with you and Minhyun?” 

Dongho lifts his brows at the question. No one's ever asked him that before. “What do you mean?”

“Nothing. I’m just curious, is all.” Aron shrugs. “From what I’m told, you were elementary friends. But it looks like you two had always been joined at the hips to me.” 

“That’s ‘cause I’ve been stuck with him ever since I was like, four,” Dongho laughs, recalling his memories fondly. “Our parents knew each other and we were neighbours. But then his family had to move and so we ended up in different middle schools.” He doesn’t include the part where he had to be physically restrained because he wouldn’t let Minhyun leave on their last playdate. “The distance didn’t stop him from texting me almost every day though,” Dongho says, as if he had no part in maintaining their clingy streak. “I can’t get rid of him even if I tried.” 

“Childhood friends huh.” Aron hums pensively. “Just like Jonghyunie and Minki…” His eyes lower to the ground, looking strangely defeated, “that explains a lot.” 

Dongho doesn’t get a chance to ask Aron what’s wrong because his attention is immediately taken by the buzzing of his phone. As Aron reads his text, Dongho notices Minki and Jonghyun emerging from a thick crowd of commuters. Not a moment later, Aron’s sprinting off towards their direction. 

“MANGO!” Aron yells, embarrassingly loud, much to Minki’s chagrin. “My precious mango, I’ve missed you so—“

Minki stops him short of any excessive body contact, the tip of his index finger pushing Aron’s forehead away from his personal space. 

“One, stop calling me that. Two, I’m _not_ yours. Three, it’s only been fifteen minutes. _Chill_.”

“Every minute I’m not with you is a minute too long,” Aron grins, winking without shame. Then he smiles at Jonghyun. “Hi, Jonghyunie. Did you find your card?”

“I did. Thanks to Minki.” Jonghyun beams, “and you as well hyung. For the reminder.”

“Just looking out for my cute dongsaeng,” Aron says, pinching Jonghyun’s cheek fondly. “Be careful next time, yeah?”

“Yes, hyung,” Jonghyun mumbles, quickly pulling up his scarf to hide the deep shade of pink colouring his cheeks. Winter in Alba this year is pretty chilly, but Dongho didn’t realise Jonghyun was the type to get cold so easily. 

“Okay, I guess we should start— _oof!_ ”

Dongho lurches forward from the sudden weight dropping on his back, but his hands instinctively fly backward, catching the figure out of habit. The flat flesh perched on his palm is as annoyingly familiar as always.

“I know I said that you can start without me… but I didn’t think you’d actually do it.” Dongho can already see the childish pout, even without turning his head. “How could you?”

“Then say what you actually mean next time, loser.” Dongho quips. “Get off me!”

Minhyun laughs brightly in Dongho’s ear and obediently hops off, but his arm stays hanging around Dongho’s shoulder, where it’s permanently attached to these days. To anyone else, Minhyun probably looks like he’s a touch-starved weirdo, but Dongho knows he’s just trying to make up for the three years worth of physical contact they’ve missed out on. 

Dongho likes it. Because despite the fact that Minhyun has never once said _I miss you_ , Dongho can feel it in every gesture that he makes. Perhaps it's just natural for them, having grown up together, to understand each other so easily. Dongho has always been good at staying attentive to Minhyun's words, both spoken and unspoken ones, and Minhyun can read him all the same. 

They're like a map and compass. Not completely co-dependent but they operate best when they're together. 

“Alright,” Jonghyun clears his throat to get their attention. “Now that we’re all here, let’s give these people a show.”

**»»**

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**»»**

Minhyun smiles proudly at Jonghyun, who is standing on his right, intensely focused on his solo, mesmerising the audience as his digits dances on the fingerboard. 

Jonghyun just has that effect, his stage presence and charisma naturally draws attention. Even though he’s a far cry from his high school image now: wild faux hawk swept down to a gentle fringe, muscle-bearing tank tops forgoed for a simple tee, smoky eyeliner and spiky neon gloves forgotten (because Jonghyun does _not_ need any reminder of what his teenage self thought was peak-coolness). 

When Jonghyun finishes his riff, blistering through his solo perfectly, the crowd grows even wilder, not unlike the nights before this one, but it feels like they’re extra exhilarated tonight. Or maybe it’s just Minhyun, riding high on adrenaline, blood pumping all the way from his ear to the tips of fingers as he plucks at his guitar. He can feel his veins pulsing in time to the thumping beat of Minki’s drum and Aron’s bass, vibrating in the air. 

It’s absolutely insane. But this is why Minhyun loves being on stage. They’ve truly come a long way from being confined to a shitty basement studio in Pavonis and busking on the streets of Alba. Now, as headliners for the biggest travelling tour across Tharsis, hundreds and thousands of people chant their name and love their music. 

Sometimes, it still doesn't feel real.

In the midst of his haze, he hears Dongho’s high note smoothly cuts through the ocean of cacophonic screams, spurring them on even further.

_you're invisible, no_

_don’t disappear now_

_please, take me out of here_

Minhyun tightens the hand around his mic, watching from the corner of his eye as Dongho's fingers dance across his keyboard while he belts out the next verse, basking in the powerful voice that reverberates across the stage, harmonising with the lyrics they wrote together.

_after meeting you, I’m trapped_

_in this place without an exit,_

_this place where time has stopped_

Minhyun knows they’re sharing the same mind when Dongho locks eyes with him for a split second. It feels like they're children again, sharing private little moments like no one is watching. Dongho agrees with a wink, cheeky and flirtatious, and Minhyun can’t stop himself from breaking into a smile.

_you’re a beautiful ghost_

And this is how he falls a little more in love, with both the music and with Kang Dongho.

**««**

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**««**

Nineteen is a weird age.

It’s supposed to mark the end of your awkward adolescence and the transition into amazing adulthood. But everyone knows that numbers don’t truly dictate the status of maturity, and adulthood is rarely, ever, that amazing. 

But change is inevitable. Dongho knows it. Knows that it’s something he can’t fight. But sometimes, he thinks about the past. Thinks about reliving a day or two of the simpler times. 

Not that change is a bad thing. In fact, a lot of things seemed to have changed for the better. Their little band, for example, has entered mainstream attention after making it to the quarterfinals of a talent show. There are a few headlines here and there. It’s really not a big deal though. Dongho wouldn’t consider them celebrities yet.

But it’s easy to be driven by hormonal influences and get lost in their ego, thinking they’re at the top of the world. Luckily, they have Jonghyun to keep them humble, and hopeful. They might have a shot at winning after all. 

However, Dongho’s thoughts are plagued by other concerns. He feels… uneasy these days. He feels like everyone is tiptoeing around him. Like they’re preparing to dampen out a fuse before it’s lit. 

It’s probably his imagination though. Maybe it’s all in his head. But it’s hard to convince himself that he is just overthinking when Dongho can tell that something has changed. He can’t even pretend that his mind isn’t drifting to his best friend right now. 

Because Minhyun seems different these days. 

Outside of band practice, they haven’t hung out as frequently as the past. Dongho has been chalking it up to general senior year stress and Minhyun drowning himself in his studies. He has always been a diligent student, committed to maintaining his good academic record. Dongho is well aware of that. 

Even so, something doesn’t feel right. But Dongho hasn’t quite figured out what that something is yet.

His patience is rewarded one day when Minhyun suddenly invites him to come over, just like old times. Which is surprising, because it almost felt like he was purposely distancing himself from Dongho over the past couple of weeks.

Perhaps Dongho was just being paranoid after all. 

So he kicks off his shoes excitedly as soon as he’s home, greeting his mom and Minhyun’s mother on the way to his room to grab his things. It’s silly, really. How he’s acting like a giddy kid simply because Minhyun reached out first for once. 

It kind of reminds him of their first sleepover. Dongho could barely contain his excitement back then as well. He remembers how they hid under the covers, sharing and giggling over dumb things they’ve now lost interest in. He remembers how they fell asleep together, clinging to each other so tightly that Minhyun wouldn’t stop complaining the next morning. He remembers how Minhyun had adamantly promised that he’ll never let Dongho on his bed again, because he doesn’t want to be squeezed to death in his sleep. 

(Yet, Minhyun has never once stopped the body that’ll slide under the blanket at one point or another, or the arms that cages him into a tight embrace.)

(If he did then how would Dongho fall asleep otherwise?) 

Dongho smiles at the distant memories as he keeps his footsteps quiet on his way out. He doesn’t want to impose on their moms’ afternoon tea time any more than he should. 

In retrospect, he wished that he walked a little faster. Maybe then reality wouldn’t have caught up to him.

“I am going to miss this.” He hears his mom say.

“Me too.” Minhyun’s mother has such a gentle voice. “It is such a shame that we have to move so far away this time.”

Dongho stops at the doorway, frozen. 

“And so soon as well,” his mom laments. “Won’t it be before Minhyun’s graduation?” 

“Unfortunately,” Minhyun’s mother confirms. “I would have liked to wait until Minhyun had finished high school but my husband could not put the move off any longer. And by the time Sujin returns from her studies abroad, it would be too late—”

Dongho silently shuts the door behind him then, unable to eavesdrop any further.

He thinks of all the worried glances, the not-so-subtle nudges, the conversations that turn into whispers as soon as he’s within his friends’ proximity.

They knew. Everyone already knew. 

Except him. 

“Hey!” Minhyun greets him, chirpy as always and completely blind to the withering glare on Dongho’s face as he enters the room. “Let’s order pizza. I don’t wanna go out after all.” 

“When were you going to tell me?” 

“Tell you what?” Then Minhyun looks down at himself and remembers who the real owner of his sweater is. “Oh. Sorry, I didn’t know you were going to wear it.”

“Stop fucking around!” Dongho snaps. He can’t believe Minhyun still has the audacity to act dumb.

“Okay, okay, I’ll take it off,” Minhyun frowns. “No need to get yelly.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about, you _dick_.” Dongho feels nauseous. His blood is boiling to the point where he wants to explode. But instead, he exhales slowly, trying his hardest to stay calm. “Were you even going to tell me? That you’re moving halfway across the fucking planet!?”

If Minhyun didn’t realise it before then he definitely did now. His eyes widen, looking as alarmed as a deer in the headlights. Silence thickening the air as he goes quiet, while Dongho stands in front of him, waiting for him to say something, _anything_.

Dongho expects a rebuttal. Or worse, some shitty apology followed by a passable excuse.

Instead, he gets, “Who told you?”

Dongho scoffs, incredulous. “Why does that matter?” His fists are clenched tight and his voice is getting louder again. “Why didn’t _you_ tell me?!”

“I was going to!” 

“No, you weren’t,” Dongho says bitterly. “Because if you did, _I_ would’ve been the first to find out and not the fucking last.”

Minhyun goes quiet again. Which is the fucking worst. Because it means that Dongho is right, and he didn’t want to be right. He didn’t want to believe that Minhyun would keep something like this from him. He didn’t want to believe that Minhyun would really abandon him without ever letting him know. 

He didn’t want to be right. It hurts so much to be right. 

“Okay, fine.” Minhyun sighs. He runs a hand through his hair, frustrated. “I didn’t know how to bring it up. I didn’t _want_ to bring it up. Because I knew that you would react _exactly_ like this.”

“What the fuck?” Dongho’s jaw tightens. “Don’t you dare pin your cowardice on me.”

“But I’m right, aren’t I?” Minhyun crosses his arms with a scowl. Dongho knows that look. It’s the one Minhyun wears whenever he’s cornered and his last line of defence is to shut everything out. “How am I supposed to tell you that I’m leaving if this is how you’re acting?” 

Dongho knows that Minhyun is provoking him on purpose, knows that it’s useless to talk with Minhyun when he’s like this. But he allows that last line to set him off again, like Minhyun wanted, finally letting the anger crash through him and yells. 

“You’re supposed to tell me because I’m your fucking best friend and you tell me EVERYTHING!” 

But like waves dissolving into shorelines, Dongho quickly deflates. Because he knows that this is the one thing he _isn’t_ right about.

“You _used_ to tell me everything,” he whispers. He already hates how small he sounded, hates how his voice trembled. Because the bittersweet truth is, even though Minhyun is still Dongho's first choice, he might not be Minhyun’s anymore. 

“I…” Minhyun swallows. He can’t look at Dongho in the eyes. “That’s not fair, and you know it.” 

“Fair?” Dongho laughs, but it comes out as hollow and empty as his heart. “What do _you_ know about fair when you’re the one shutting me out? Do you even consider me your best friend anymore?”

Something in the atmosphere immediately changes, and Dongho doesn’t realise his mistake until Minhyun is looking back at him with the coldest pair of eyes he’d ever seen.

“If you have to ask then isn’t the answer obvious?”

The silence that follows is suffocating. 

The sound of his own breathing is deafening to his ears. 

“...Dongho.” Minhyun’s voice is uncharacteristically shaky. Like he has just realised the weight of his words. “Look, I… I didn’t mean—” 

Dongho can’t hear him anymore. His anger is dissipating and his frustrations are seeping out of him. He feels tired. He feels _numb_. Until he doesn’t.

And he immediately runs out the door before Minhyun can see the tears fall. 

“Dongho, wait!”

But he doesn’t. He doesn’t look back. He doesn’t hear Minhyun calling his name. He doesn’t listen to the footsteps that eventually fall behind. He doesn’t want Minhyun to catch him.

Even now, Dongho doesn’t want to admit that he’s lying to himself. 

He really didn’t want to be right. 

They don’t speak to each other after that. It’s no surprise to anyone when Minhyun gradually stops coming to practice. 

And a month later, he leaves.

Dongho is the only one who didn’t show up to say goodbye. 

Two months later, despite Aron and Minki’s protests, Jonghyun decides to withdraw them from the competition. It didn’t feel right continuing as they are now, he said. 

Dongho is the only one who doesn’t fight him on that either.

They disband not even a week after that.

**»»**

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**»»**

They’ve reached the next leg of the tour a few hours ago, but load-in doesn’t start until 10 am. It’s honestly a blessing because, in the midst of this martian summer, Minhyun want to savour the air conditioning in their trailer for as long as possible.

Dongho, on the other hand, chooses to be a pain in the ass by spending his free time exercising instead. 

Okay. The exercising part isn’t really the issue here. Minhyun doesn’t mind that his boyfriend is a gym junkie that has somehow found joy in the most exhaustive commitment known to humanity: ‘being healthy’. Even now, while they’re travelling, he’s staying ruthlessly devoted to his personal routine. Minhyun admires his diligence, he really does. 

But the thing is, Minhyun has never once joined him at the gym. Other than the occasional thirst videos that Aron uploads of Dongho and Jonghyun during their sessions, (liked. subscribed. saved.) he had never truly witness Dongho working out in action, until now. 

And boy, it’s really, really, _really_ distracting. 

It’s been ten minutes and Minhyun hasn’t read more than four pages of this chapter. In fact, he has been rereading the same page for like, the fifth fucking time now. He doesn’t have the brainpower to process what is happening at all in this scene because it’s taking all of his willpower to tune Dongho out. 

How the hell is he supposed to focus on anything when Dongho is standing right there, with those dumbbells, in that flimsy white tank top, sweat coating his face and the bulging muscles of his arms, making noises that make Minhyun wonder why he feel like he’s burning up even though he set the aircon to the lowest setting? 

Eventually, Minhyun gives up and shuts the book close. Minki was right. Having a hot boyfriend is a _curse_.

So he leans forward, resting his chin on his palm, and decides to enjoy the show instead. 

It doesn’t take long before Dongho’s pace starts faltering. Minhyun knows it’s because he has finally noticed that Minhyun is watching him out of his peripherals. The tip of his ears is blushing red, the same way it always does whenever Dongho is embarrassed and wants Minhyun to stop teasing him. It’s adorable.

Then the noises grow more strained, and Minhyun’s suddenly reminded of other times Dongho had made similar sounds, when his ears are just as red as it now, his breaths just as short and laboured, and he’s whispering the most delightful pleas into Minhyun’s ears—

Minhyun immediately closes his eyes in silent prayer for a moment. He doesn’t have the strength to do this. He really doesn’t. 

[ please come save me father ]

 _8:39AM_ [ i’m about to sin ]

gay jesus

[ ??? ]

[ dish the deets, my child ] _8:42AM_

_8:44AM_ [ it’s my boyfriend. father ]

[ i could be wrong... ]

_8:45AM_ [ but he’s kinda hot??? ]

gay jesus

[ 눈 _ 눈 ]

[ what did he do this time? ] _8:50AM_

_8:52AM_ [ he’s working out ]

[ i don’t believe in exercising ]

 _8:53AM_ [ but for him i’ll be a believer ] 

gay jesus

[ omg send pics ] _8:54AM_

[ tf no. thirst over your own man ]

 _8:55AM_ [ *men. u have TWO. leave mine alone ]

gay jesus

[ no one is after ur man, u conceited bitch ]

[ i just wanna post it on the blog ] _8:56AM_

[ the fans r thirsting 4 more ]

[ u know, bc of his stripper stint yda ] _8:57AM_

[ ur kinda proving my point here ]

 _8:59AM_ [ but why would u remind me of that ]

[ it’s rlly not helping :( ]

 _9:00AM_ [ and also no ]

gay jesus

[ ur welcome ] 

[ btw i’m heading over ] _9:01AM_

Not less than two minutes later, there’s a knock on their trailer. Minki easily acquits himself inside and persuades Dongho to pose for some shots while Minhyun looks on disapprovingly in the background. It proves a difficult task anyways because Dongho can’t help but crack up in laughter when he’s forced to hold a serious pose for longer than two seconds. It’s another part of him that Minhyun finds absolutely endearing.

Soon enough, Minki gives up on the photos and decides to start live streaming a Q&A session instead. Out of the five of them, he's definitely the one that invests the most effort in connecting with their fans. It’s no question why he’s so popular. 

“Hey, they wanted to know your answers as well.” Minki looks at them over his shoulder. “What was your dream job when you were little?” 

Minhyun blinks at the question, fingers paused the screen of his phone as he looks between himself, then to Dongho, now lying on his lap, and then back at Minki. “Are they talking to me or him?” 

Minki manages to chug down half of Jonghyun’s water bottle (because who else buys random merch printed with anime girls) before he answers. “Both of you.” 

“I don’t think I had one,” Dongho admits. “I didn’t really know what I was good at so I never settled on anything.”

“I didn’t really have one either, I think,” Minhyun says, pretending that he can’t recall anything from the top of his head. 

“Liar,” Dongho calls him out, staring accusingly. “Remember fifth grade? You were watching TVXQ on TV and your eyes went all _twinkle twinkle_ and you said that you’re gonna be an amazing singer when you grow up.” 

“Hey!” Minhyun sputters, cheeks flushing at the memory. “Who are you to talk? You were there watching with me _and_ you said the same thing!”

Dongho scoffs, arms crossed over his chest like a petulant child. “No, I didn’t.”

“Yes, you did.” 

“No, I _didn’t_.”

“Did too!”

“Did not!”

And they drone on, so lost in the heat of their childish argument that they don't even notice Minki silently standing up, leaving their trailer without a word. 

Childhood friends are the absolute worst.

**««**

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**««**

Dongho watches the clouds floating overhead. They’re moving faster when he’s not paying attention, he notes. A split-second distraction and they’re gone, fleeing into the winds. 

He pulls out his phone for a moment, and contemplates turning it off to avoid the notifications blowing it up. Minki wouldn’t be pleased.

He does it anyway.

Dongho looks up at the sky one last time. There’s already a new set of clouds that he no longer recognise. Fleeting indeed, how time comes and goes. But the past is gone and the present is moving on. 

So should he. 

Dongho hops off the roof of his car and returns to his seat. He finds his cherry pie melting under the heat of the sun and laments over how he has forgotten about it. It feels like a waste, not finishing something that he started. But the damage is done and he doesn’t have time for regrets.

Maybe he’ll buy another on the way to the airport. 

“Minhyun’s back?!”

Minki hisses, putting a finger against Aron’s lips. “Not so loud!” He scans the open cafeteria, relieved that Dongho is still nowhere near in sight. “Dongho doesn’t know yet.”

“What do you mean?” Jonghyun asks. 

“Well, you wouldn’t believe how long it took me to pull it out of Minhyun,” Minki says. “He said he didn’t want to make a big deal about it. From the sound of that, I guess they’re still not talking.” 

“But still, shouldn’t we let him know?” Aron pouts against Minki’s finger. “It’s been two years, when are they ever going to make up if we don’t intervene?”

“Okay, sure.” Minki smiles. “Then _you_ can be the one to drop the Minhyun bomb on Dongho.”

“What?” Aron looks horrified at that notion. “You can’t expect me to be the one to tell Dongho!” 

“Tell me what?”

“What the FU—” Minki jumps and immediately screams into Aron’s face, which shocks Aron into screaming back at Dongho’s sudden presence. Meanwhile, Jonghyun quickly drops his face onto the table, hiding out of embarrassment. Fortunately, it’s still relatively early and the few students sitting around are too braindead and soulless to pay them any heed. 

“What’s with you guys?” Dongho laughs in amusement. “Were you just talking about me?”

“No way!” “Kind of?”

Minki and Aron look at each other, deadpan and blank-eyed, silently cursing the other’s lack of coordination. 

“Maybe a little?” “Ha ha kidding!”

Now they scowl at each other, frustrated. Jonghyun just keeps sinking further and further into the table, wishing it would swallow him whole. 

“So you _were_ talking about me,” Dongho concludes. “Am I in trouble?” 

This time Minki speaks first. “Actually, it’s about my brother’s birthday,” he lies without missing a beat. “Do you mind being the designated driver on the day? We’re still waiting for Aron’s car to get repaired so... ”

“Sure,” Dongho smiles as he takes his seat next to Jonghyun. “You know I don’t drink anyway.”

“Great!” Aron cheers, high-fiving Minki under the table. “Thanks, man. You’re the best.”

“For all the times that I’ve chaperone for you three, I sure hope you think I am,” Dongho jokes. His fingers fidget with the lid of his yoghurt cup, struggling to peel it open. “Speaking of which. Do you guys mind if I bring a plus one?” 

Aron finds himself gagging on air. Minki’s eyes could practically fall out of its sockets. Even Jonghyun looks just as surprised. 

“A plus one?” Aron gawks.

“You’re bringing a plus one?” Jonghyun blinks. 

“I mean it shouldn’t be a problem,” Minki says, cautious. “Who is it though?”

Before Dongho can open his mouth to answer, someone comes over and places two drinks on his side of the table. Then they settle into the seat next to Dongho, swiping his yoghurt cup and peeling off the lid with practised ease before returning it. 

“Thanks.” Dongho beams and starts eating his yoghurt in earnest.

“Your iced americano. As requested.” Minhyun pushes the drink towards Dongho, smiling fondly as he watches Dongho takes an appreciative sip. “I see your tastes haven’t changed, tiger.” 

“Why are you commenting on my taste when yours hasn’t changed either, weirdo.” Dongho gestures to Minhyun’s cup. He can’t mistake the familiar scent of green tea latte anywhere. “Did they run out of grapefruit ade?”

“ _Worse_.” Minhyun pouts, warming his hands with the hot cup. “They don’t sell it anymore. I guess I’ll have to find a new place to go to.”

Dongho chuckles, sliding the yoghurt spoon out of his lips, reaching out with his free hand to curl around Minhyun’s hands, warming it up. “It’s okay. I actually found this nice cafe the other day. They have good grapefruit ade apparently. I’ll take you there tomorrow.”

“Okay, okay, stop right there.” Aron cuts in, confusion written all over his face. “Sorry to interrupt… whatever this is. But—” He stares at them. “What the actual fuck?”

“Since when are you two on speaking terms again?” Jonghyun says, shocked. 

“Yeah. And how did _I_ not know about it?!” Minki asks, twice as shocked. 

Dongho shares a look with Minhyun, and they start laughing in unison, finding their friends’ reactions highly amusing. After a mutual apology, Dongho confesses about everything that transpired after they disbanded, he explained how his cold war with Minhyun ended over a year ago, and that they still kept in contact with each other as they always have. 

“So let me get this straight.” Aron inhales, then exhales. “You two didn’t actually swore each other off as mortal enemies?” His brows are knitted tight as he put the pieces together. “And you were still talking this whole time?”

“I’ve been dealing with this dumbass since we were four, hyung,” Minhyun reasons. “It wasn’t the first time we’ve had a falling out, you know.”

“Jerk,” Dongho frowns at him. “But yeah, if I truly hated his guts, then why would I make him return to Alba?”

“ _Wait_.” Aron looks at Dongho. “So _you_ convinced him. To fly across half the planet again.” Then he turns to look at Minhyun. “And _you_ just… agreed??”

Minhyun nods. “I think that about sums it up.”

“So…” Jonghyun starts carefully, despite the fact that he has been itching to bring it up this entire time. “Does that mean we can... you know?” 

Minhyun looks down at his drink. He doesn’t seem so sure on that front. “I don't know. To be honest, I haven't picked up a guitar in years.”

“Nothing a few jam sessions won’t fix,” Jonghyun counters. His eyes are bright, renewed with the faintest glint of hope. 

“I’m not sure about that, Jonghyun.” Minhyun starts to laugh. “My singing might be rusty too. I don’t sing much these days.”

“Bullshit,” Aron snorts, “as if you'd ever stop singing.”

“Hey,” Dongho squeezes Minhyun’s hand. He doesn’t know where these new insecurities are coming from, but they don’t belong in Minhyun. “They’re just curious. You know you don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to.” Then he fixes them a knowing look. “Right guys?”

“Of course,” Minki agrees. “We’re just really happy that you’re back Minhyun.”

Dongho's relieved when he sees a genuine smile finds its way onto Minhyun’s face. 

“So am I.” 

It’s not exactly official — because Jonghyun didn’t want to scare anyone off after all — but they eventually start playing together again, slowly. They’re not really writing music, or busking, or thinking of anything beyond that yet. They’re just having fun, like the good old days. Aron even rented out a studio for them again. A proper one this time, as well. It must’ve been expensive but he didn’t let them worry about the cost. 

_Anything for my babies_ , he said, while Jonghyun and Minki were in his arms. Jonghyun had always been a sucker for Aron, but Dongho doesn’t know how Minki put up with him. He would suffer an aneurysm trying to say half the things Aron say on a daily basis. 

But jokes aside, he _is_ a little envious of their relationship. It’s one thing to wear your heart on your sleeves, but it’s another to offer it up despite the unbalanced risk of rejection over the reward of reciprocation.

Dongho only wishes he has that much courage. 

But for now, he’s content with the status quo, the walking side by side, like parallel lines that’ll never touch. Even though what he wants is out of reach, at least it’s not out of sight. 

“Thanks,” Minhyun says one day, when it’s just them at the studio, packing away the equipments together.

Dongho looks at him, puzzled. “For what?” 

“For convincing me to come back,” Minhyun explains. “I don't think I would've had the courage to otherwise.”

“No, you wouldn't have,” Dongho laughs. Minhyun knows he’s only teasing but he pouts anyways. “But it's okay. Even if it wasn't with us. You would've started doing music again.”

Minhyun goes quiet, and Dongho wonders if he had said something wrong. But then Minhyun suddenly looks at him like he's really grateful for Dongho's words.

“You really think so?”

“Yeah,” Dongho nods. “You’re the happiest when you’re singing your heart out after all, especially when it’s on stage.” Because even if Minhyun doesn’t remember who he was and how he felt anymore. Dongho did. “Isn’t that why you love music?”

“It was,” Minhyun admits. “I mean, it _is_ , but,” he turns away, “that's not why I started liking music.”

Dongho tilts his head at that. “What?”

“Nothing,” Minhyun smiles at him, cryptic. He has been looking at Dongho like that recently. But it's the one look that Dongho still can't decipher, despite all the years that he has known Minhyun. “Let’s finish cleaning up, hm?”

**»»**

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**»»**

They’re lying on opposite ends of the bed, doing their own thing. Dongho's wearing a simple white t-shirt and a very thin pair of shorts that barely cover the thick muscle of his legs, and that’s when Minhyun notices the compass tattoo he has never asked about. 

“What did this one mean?”

“That one?” Dongho blinks. “It’s supposed to represent the band. Jonghyunie, Minki, Aron…” Dongho let out a ticklish giggle as Minhyun’s finger skirts across the leg tattoo, examining it, “...you and me. All of us. Always together.”

“And here I thought Jonghyun was too devoted to this band.” Minhyun chuckles, but it’s not uncharacteristic of Dongho either. Too loyal for his own good.

“You know,” Minhyun starts, “I still remember the first time you dragged me along to help you get your first tattoo.” He quickly sits upright, and then crawls back up to bed so he can lie down and face Dongho. “It was this one right?” Minhyun pulls the collar of Dongho’s shirt, exposing the row of letters on his right chest. 

“Yeah, it was,” Dongho grins. “I remember you kept trying to talk me out of doing it.”

“Because I was afraid you’d get something stupid,” Minhyun chides. “We had only just turned eighteen and you were already making a decision for the rest of your life. Of course, I was concerned.”

“Aww,” Dongho coos. His fingers gently stroke the fringe of Minhyun’s hair. “So you _did_ care.”

“Of course I did.” Minhyun reaches for Dongho's hand, slotting his fingers against it and brings it close to his chest. “I still do.”

They’ve been boyfriends for over a year now; best friends for almost two decades longer. But Minhyun will never cease getting a kick out of making Dongho blush. He loves how easily Dongho’s skin flushes and bloom with pink. Loves how it’s just as fun teasing them out of him as it is to mark him all over. 

Dongho then pulls his hand away, drawing both of them up to cover his chest. Minhyun hadn’t realised he was staring. “Why… why are looking at me like that?”

Minhyun blinks, still deep in thought. “Was your chest always this big?”

“What?”

“Your chest.” Minhyun repeats, deadpan. “Pecs. Manboobs. Tiddies. Whatever.”

Dongho looks absolutely scandalised at Minhyun using those terms. “Don’t call it that!”

Minhyun chuckles, amused. “Then what am I supposed to call it?”

“I don’t know,” Dongho says. He’s hiding his chest even more — an act Minhyun finds highly ironic, especially when Dongho has already shown him _everything_. “Just don’t call it anything… it’s embarrassing…”

“Hm?” Minhyun doesn’t quite get it. “Well it wasn’t embarrassing when you took off your shirt on stage yesterday was it?”

“I…” Dongho splutters. “That was different!”

“Different how?” Minhyun tilts his head. “So thousands of strangers can feast their eyes on my boyfriend’s body,” he says, poking Dongho’s chest. He alway forgets that it’s a lot firmer than he thinks, but somehow still soft to the touch, “...but if I do it, you’re shy?”

“I was shy then too!” Dongho insists, resorting to hiding his face now. “But everyone kept egging me on… I guess I got caught up in the moment.”

“Caught up in the moment?” Minhyun repeats. “Ah, I see.”

Minhyun pushes Dongho down flat on the mattress and swiftly swings his legs over Dongho’s lap. Then he leans in close, gently cupping Dongho’s chin, watching how the proximity of their lips stops Dongho’s breath, slowly drinking in the gaze of the honey brown eyes staring back at him.

Minhyun smiles. “You didn’t think I’ll accept that as an excuse, did you?” 

Minhyun doesn't know why he's acting like this. He has never considered himself to be the possessive type before. But right now, Minhyun can say for certain that he would _never_ give Dongho up to anyone, or anything. 

“Hey.” Dongho’s breath hitches as Minhyun’s hand slides under his shirt. “Minhyun…”

“Yes?” 

“Kiss me,” he demands.

Minhyun closes the distance between them again, gently framing the side of Dongho’s face with his palm, running his thumb over Dongho’s lower lip. It goes slack against his finger, parting with Dongho’s quickening breaths, heart skipping with anticipation. 

“Gladly,” Minhyun whispers, and presses his lips against Dongho’s, slow and gentle. 

**««**

𝄀 𝄞 2 𝄀 0 𝄀 7 𝄀 7 𝄁

**««**

“Are you nervous?” Dongho asks. 

Minhyun’s head immediately whips toward his voice, looking pleasantly surprised that Dongho is the one talking to him first. Like he has been waiting for Dongho to approach him. Or maybe it’s just Dongho’s hopeful imagination. 

“More than I’d like to admit,” Minhyun answers. The relaxed expression he’s wearing is a complete contrast to the fearful look Dongho was expecting. This is a first. “How about you? Ready to win or what?” 

“Hey. We haven’t even performed yet. Don’t jinx it,” Dongho jokingly frowns. 

“Not if you put like that.” Minhyun shakes his head, throwing Dongho a chiding look. “Besides, weren’t you the one urging me to have some confidence?” 

Dongho laughs. “I suppose I did.” 

This is easy — the same song and dance that they’ve recited for years — as it always has been. It’s comfortable. It’s safe. And Dongho can keep playing along. Ride this melody out on repeat and things can easily return to what they were. 

But he won’t. He _can’t_. Because they both know that Dongho isn’t the type to ignore the elephant in the room. Especially not when it comes to Minhyun. 

“Minhyun,” Dongho says, like a breath held for so long and it’s finally free. “Look. About that kiss… I—”

“—Let’s talk about it after the show, please?” Minhyun quickly deflects, much to Dongho’s disappointment.

“But…” Dongho’s chest tightens uncomfortably. He didn’t even get a chance to pour his heart out in the open but he has already been shut down. It’s weird, because Minhyun hasn’t technically said anything, yet somehow it already feels like rejection. And it _sucks_. “Okay, I can understand perfectly well why you feel uncomfortable discussing this. But I can’t take back what happened. So can we please just—” 

Dongho’s words halt with his breath, brain short-circuiting as he tries to process the split-second touch of Minhyun’s lips against his. 

_Minhyun’s lips against my lips._

_Minhyun’s lips and my lips._

_Minhyun’s lips._

_Minhyun._

_Minhyun_.

_Minhyun._

“Calm down, tiger,” Minhyun reassures him as he pulls away, blissfully unaware of the internal meltdown happening in Dongho’s head. “I said we’ll talk about it. I _want_ to talk about it.”

“Oh.” Dongho sputters very eloquently. “ _Oh_.”

  
  
  


**»»**

𝄀 𝄞 2 𝄀 0 𝄀 7 𝄀 9 𝄁

**»»**

  
  
  


“Min…” 

“Minhyun…!” Dongho whimpers, snapping Minhyun’s focus back into place. 

Minhyun can tell Dongho is getting more impatient as time passes, but he doesn’t blame Dongho for being so touch-starved. He has been preoccupied with Dongho’s lips and the bruises on his neck the whole time. They’re pretty, just like everything else about Dongho, and Minhyun wants to take his time and appreciate every single part, slowly and carefully. 

But he’s wearing Dongho’s patience thin and he knows it. So he raises himself to his knees and shuffles closer, straddling Dongho’s thighs, stopping just in front of the obvious bulge inside Dongho’s shorts.

“How are you feeling, tiger?” Minhyun asks, hands finding purchase on both sides of Dongho’s thin waist, thumbs stroking the delicate skin. Dongho jerks, responsive to every touch.

“Get on with it already,” Dongho exhales softly, resting the back of his palm on his face. “Please…” 

“Impatient, are we?” Minhyun chuckles, lacing his fingers with the palm hiding Dongho’s face and using it to pin his arm above his head. “Let me see you.” 

Dongho shudders when Minhyun rolls his shirt up to his chest, the air is chilly against his exposed skin. Minhyun’s hand on his stomach, however, is a comforting contrast, warm and gentle. He bites back a moan as Minhyun’s palm slides up further, gliding over the dips and contour of his body.

“Cute,” Minhyun hums, pinning Dongho’s other arm above his head as well, mesmerised with how the action stretches the star tattoo across his skin. Then he draws his hands over Dongho’s chest, brushing over a stiff nipple, and Dongho immediately jerks at the touch, leaving an open invitation for Minhyun to pinch his nipples, fascinated by his reaction.

“ _Fuck_.” Dongho jolts, moaning aloud. His fists curl into the sheets, his entire body tenses from shock, muscles clenching for a hard second before his breaths gradually return to a steady pace.

“You're sensitive there,” Minhyun comments, as if he’s making a calm observation and not a newfound revelation. He shouldn't be surprised, but he is. It reminds him again, that for all of the years that they’ve bonded emotionally, Dongho is still a stranger to him physically, at least when they're this intimate. 

So like a curious child, he does it again, teasing Dongho’s nipples under his thumb and revels in the sounds that follow. Dongho’s laboured breathing, the strain of his gasps and moans — it’s all music to Minhyun’s ears.

“I…” Dongho whispers, words dying in his throat and chest arching as he’s hit with a full-body shudder when Minhyun pinches the sensitive nubs again. Minhyun can even feel how Dongho’s thighs quiver, trapped between his legs.

Minhyun watches him, stunned. It’s probably the hottest thing he has ever seen. 

“Minhyun… Minhyun…” Dongho keeps calling for him, not sounding very coherent at all.

Minhyun leans forward, cupping his face again. “Hm? What’s wrong?” 

“I…” Dongho gulps, taking a deep inhale. “Too… too loud,” he says, lowering his arm to hide his face again, embarrassed.

Minhyun chuckles, watching him fondly. “What’s wrong with being loud?”

Dongho shakes his head, face completely flushed. “Don’t like it… I—” he rasps, “—don’t wanna be loud.”

Minhyun closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. A hot boyfriend may be a curse, but a cute one might as well be his bane. It’s taking all of his willpower to not lose his mind right then and there, calming the itch to take Dongho apart.

“Nothing wrong with being loud.” Minhyun smiles, stroking his fingers through Dongho’s curly hair. He’s already sweating so much. “But alright,” Minhyun relents. “You want me to help you stay quiet baby? Is that it?”

Dongho nods, peeking at Minhyun from the corner of his eyes. “Please.”

“Is this okay?” Minhyun asks, lifting the hem of Dongho’s bunched up shirt and offering it to his lips. Dongho takes it into his mouth, biting down on the fabric and hums in affirmation. It doesn’t quite mute his volume as much as it just dampens it, which is perfect. Minhyun still wants to hear Dongho’s cute voice after all.

“If it’s too much, just tell me to stop,” Minhyun says, to which Dongho nods. Then he scoots off, taking the opportunity to strip off Dongho's shorts. It causes his hands to brush against Dongho’s sensitive erection as he does, eliciting a strangled, muffled noise.

“Sorry,” Minhyun says, stroking Dongho’s sides to calm him down. At least he can tell the makeshift gag is working.

Minhyun wets his lips, swallowing hard as his eyes land on Dongho’s toned arms, hanging tiredly above his head, muscles stretching with every shift of movement, the rest of his sinfully buff body just as exposed by the tight-fit t-shirt rolled up to his mouth. He also notices how damp the fabric is now, how the tendons of Dongho’s neck strains and stretches as he clamps down harder on the t-shirt gag.

Minhyun can’t take his eyes away, nor contain his desire to reach out, running his fingers down the side of Dongho’s damp face, along his jawline, and resting on his pectoral, warm to the touch. 

Dongho feels like a furnace, practically radiating heat. But it’s no surprise to Minhyun that his boyfriend has a hot body, both figuratively and literally. He’s always been the type to perspire easily and profusely. And such is the case now. Beads of sweat are gathering around the divots and sinews of his collarbone, running down the dips of his chest, pooling on his sternum and the ridges of his abs.

Minhyun should be grossed out. But instead, his breath catches in his throat, enthralled with how Dongho’s perspiration causes light to reflect off his chest tattoos, muscles glistening and appearing even more deliciously defined. 

Dongho looks like a divine meal, and Minhyun can’t wait to eat him up. 

_Beautiful._

Minhyun didn’t realise he said it out loud until he catches Dongho looking away, the blush on his face deepens, flushing down to his chest. 

“I won’t be able to control myself if you keep being this cute.” Minhyun chuckles, running his fingers down Dongho’s body, nails lightly scratching his abs. It makes Dongho squirms, ticklish, stomach fluttering under Minhyun’s hand.

This isn’t enough. He wants to know more. He wants to see what Dongho is like when he _really_ come undone. He wants to hear every kind of sound Dongho is capable of making. He wants to feel Dongho up in places only he’s allowed to touch. And taste… 

“Hey,” Minhyun says softly, thumbs stroking Dongho’s thigh. “Can I suck you off?” 

Dongho whines, nodding weakly. Then Minhyun spots Dongho’s erect cock, twitching inside his boxers, and his mouth goes dry. 

Minhyun shuffles back, leaving some room for him to free himself from his shirt, dropping it to the floor without care (he does care. the floor is still clean. he checked) before leaning back in, sliding his palms under Dongho’s thick thighs, spreading the limbs apart so he can peel Dongho’s underwear off easier. 

He sees a patch of the fabric that’s darker than the rest, already soaked with Dongho’s precome. Minhyun coos softly when Dongho makes more noises behind the gag. He doesn’t want to keep Dongho waiting any longer either. 

They don’t really have a lot of room inside this trailer, but Minhyun doesn’t mind. He quickly leaves to grab some lube and as soon as he returns, he drops down to his stomach, legs planted on the floor so he can get closer to Dongho’s crotch. Dongho’s thighs are caged under his arms as he settles into a comfortable spot and takes Dongho’s cock into his hand.

Dongho’s reaction is instantaneous. He moans deeply against the gag, spilling short, staccatic whines as Minhyun strokes his shaft slowly. Minhyun waits until he gets used to it, then he pauses to briefly coat his hand with a liberal amount of lube before continuing to pump Dongho’s cock. 

He can feel Dongho gradually getting restless, thighs shaking underneath him as Minhyun slicks up his dick. He’s hyperventilating too, stomach rising and contracting, head thrashing side to side. 

Minhyun frowns, concerned. Then he stops so Dongho can catch his breath. “Baby? I need you to relax,” Minhyun reminds him, rubbing circles into his pelvis soothingly. “Can you do that?”

It takes Dongho another minute to calm down, then he tilts his head, searching for Minhyun in his daze. His eyes are glazed over with tears as he lets the t-shirt slip from his mouth, lips swollen and wet, quietly panting. 

“Minhyun… ” Dongho cries out, and Minhyun's heart stutters in his chest from the way his name sounds on Dongho’s tongue. “Touch me… please, I—” he whimpers. “Please… keep going.”

Minhyun breathes out slowly.

It feels like an eternity before he can collect himself again. And his composure finally snaps. 

“Minhyun!” Dongho gasps aloud and writhes in shock, air choked out of his lungs when Minhyun suddenly wraps his lips around the head of his cock. 

Minhyun hums, the vibrations shooting straight to Dongho’s groins. He purposefully fixes his eyes on Dongho’s face, watching how he winces in pleasure as Minhyun’s lips slide down his shaft, fingers twisting around the base as he takes Dongho in deeper and deeper. 

Dongho hisses lowly as Minhyun keep working his cock, head falling back and forth, messing up the sheets underneath him. His back arches with a sharp groan when Minhyun’s tongue laps over his slit, teasing the sensitive head.

While he’s distracted, Minhyun takes the opportunity to run his free hand over Dongho’s chest and stomach, feeling Dongho’s muscles ripple under his touch. He really can’t get enough of Dongho’s body.

To Minhyun, Dongho is like alcohol, intoxicating his senses. And Minhyun’s drunk. Drunk on the sounds that draw from Dongho’s lips, a litany of breathless noises that are going to haunt him for days. Drunk on the sight of Dongho’s body, a beautiful tapestry of muscles, tendons and sinews spasming and constricting in pleasure. 

He’s so beautiful. So _so_ beautiful. 

In the midst of it, Dongho murmurs something Minhyun can’t quite catch. He’s sniffling, eyelashes rimming with tears, mouth opening to speak but he’s struggling to get his words out.

So Minhyun pops off his cock, his free hand coming up to soothe Dongho’s side again, stroking circles around the mole there. “What’s wrong?”

“S… Stop— don’t…” Dongho croaks, shaking his head. “—I don’t wanna come yet.” 

Minhyun tilts his head. “Why not?” 

Dongho breathes deeply, chest rising and falling in silence for a minute. Then he gathers the strength to prop himself up on his arms, looking at Minhyun. “Want you to fuck me first.”

“Please?” he quickly adds, as if Minhyun would even have the heart to respond otherwise.

Minhyun smiles softly. “Alright.” He climbs on the bed, reaching forward to catch Dongho by his nape and pulls him in for a quick kiss. “Lie down for me, yeah?” he whispers to Dongho’s lips when they part. 

Dongho nods, but first, he goes to remove his messy shirt, quickly pulling it over his head and drops it at the corner of the bed. Minhyun frees himself from his pants at the same time. He didn’t realise how hard he was until now, not that it’s an issue, not for what’s about to come next.

Dongho lies back down first, as instructed, patiently waiting for Minhyun. 

“Hey, tiger.” Minhyun grins as he crawls back onto the bed, towering over Dongho. He swoops down to steal another kiss, swiping his thumb over Dongho’s cheek, distracting Dongho with his lips as his palm smooths over Dongho’s mountain of a butt. 

Minhyun playfully laughs when Dongho hits him for squeezing it. “Sorry, sorry. I’ll do it properly, I promise.” 

Dongho frowns, arms catching Minhyun’s shoulders. “Hurry up,” he says, impatient. In his defence, Minhyun has kept him waiting all night long. “You’re so—” his breath hitches as Minhyun smears lube over his entrance, “— _ah_ … mean. You’re _so_ mean.” 

“I know.” Minhyun smiles as he crooks his middle finger inside, Dongho hissing from the sudden intrusion. “You still love me though.”

“I _tolerate_ you,” Dongho says, breath faltering when a second digit enters him. Minhyun doesn’t need to take his time with this because Dongho gets used to the stretch quickly enough. It’s only been two days since they last had sex after all.

“That’s debatable.” Minhyun’s got three fingers inside of Dongho now, not even really stretching Dongho’s hole anymore, just keeping them there because he likes being a tease. He even avoids Dongho’s prostate on purpose, only focused on making sure Dongho can feel every inch of his fingers. 

“Minhyun…” Dongho says in warning, but Minhyun ignores him and continues working his fingers in and out of Dongho, torturously slow. “I swear— I’m going to… to _kill_ you.”

“Love you too,” Minhyun quips, finally pulling his fingers out. Dongho starts shaking and throws his head back with a stuttering groan, arms curled around Minhyun’s neck tightly when Minhyun finally breaches his entrance with his slick cock. “How are you feeling?”

“I— okay… I’m okay, just—” Dongho huffs, eyes shut tight as Minhyun slides in deeper and deeper, “—move already. Minhyun, please… _move_.” 

“Hm,” Minhyun hums, “I like it when you beg.” He nudges his nose into the junction of Dongho’s neck, inhaling his scent as his hands reach for Dongho’s thighs, resting on his lap. Then he slowly spreads the solid limbs apart, leaving Dongho nice and open for him to thrust into.

It devolves into pure debauchery real quick. Dongho clings to Minhyun’s back, fingers digging deep into the skin over Minhyun’s trapezius, like he can't breathe without Minhyun this close to him. He keeps shoving his face against Minhyun’s neck, half-muffling his whimpers in between the junction stretching from the sweaty column of Minhyun’s throat to his shoulder.

“— _A_ _h_ ,” Dongho whimpers again. He doesn't do much else, just lying there and takes it, grateful for every inch that Minhyun gives him. 

Minhyun wants to properly kiss him, but Dongho doesn't seem to want to let go of Minhyun's shoulders yet, probably too embarrassed to show Minhyun how much of a mess he is. _Cute_ , Minhyun thinks, but he doesn't feel like being nice today, so he extricates himself from Dongho's arms, tightening his grip on Dongho’s quivering thighs and lifts his legs high in the air, fucking into him harshly.

Dongho gasps, back arching, head digging into the sheets, each breath coming out harshly as Minhyun pulls out and fucks back in all the way to the hilt. He doesn't know what to do with his hands now that he can't reach Minhyun, digging his nails into the sheets instead, grasping them so tightly his knuckles turn white. Sweat continues to gather on his trembling body, the flush on his face is spreading, colouring the tips of his ears to his taut abdomen. 

He's heart-achingly adorable and Minhyun absolutely wants to ruin him even further. 

Eventually, Minhyun’s arms grow tired and he drops Dongho’s legs back onto the bed, catching his hands on Dongho’s waist instead. He bends back down, lips brushing against Dongho's as he drives in deep with every thrust, loving how hot and tight Dongho feels around his cock. Then he let his fingers crawl up Dongho’s body, ignoring his leaking cock, and lands on Dongho’s chest, grasping the muscle in his hand with a squeeze, earning himself a delicious moan from Dongho’s lips. 

But Dongho moans even louder when Minhyun takes his nipple in between his thumb and index finger, tweaking the stiff nub. He repeats the action to the other nipple and Dongho fucking _wails_. “Do you like that?”

“Mmm,” Dongho mumbles against Minhyun’s shoulder, not quite an affirmation. But with the way his cock remains rock hard and is leaking more precome over his abs, Minhyun takes that as a _yes_.

“Are you okay?” Minhyun asks, pressing sloppy kisses to Dongho’s jaw. “Are you close?”

“Yeah,” Dongho admits, hiding his flushed face behind his arms again, breathing only through his mouth. He looks a little overwhelmed, so Minhyun slows his pace. “K… Kinda…” 

Minhyun hums at that, and then he pulls out of Dongho completely, all of a sudden, leaving Dongho empty and clenching uselessly around nothing. 

“Minhyun, what—” Dongho grunts as he's nudged over to lie on his stomach, twisting his face to look at Minhyun. “Wh… What are you doing?” 

“You, technically,” Minhyun answers, holding Dongho’s hips tightly so he can slide back in, immediately hitting Dongho’s prostate on the first thrust. He snakes his arm under Dongho’s waist, keeping his body steady and his ass hoisted into the air. 

Minhyun thinks he like this position better. It’s a shame that he can’t see Dongho’s face all that well, but in exchange, he can fuck into Dongho's ass even deeper than before, watching how the mounds of flesh jiggle against Minhyun’s hips as he pounds it mercilessly. He can also trace the beautiful curve of Dongho’s spine, arching further as Minhyun loosely fists his cock, letting it smear and stain his hand while Dongho sputters incoherently.

His other hand grabs onto Dongho’s shoulder, appreciating its wide, muscular form as he uses it to push Dongho back onto his cock, choking deeper, guttural moans out of Dongho. Then he lets it roams over Dongho’s sweaty back, enraptured by the way each muscle stretches and flexes as Dongho moves. It’s a completely different landscape from his front, the planes of his skin unmarked by ink. 

He’s truly beautiful, no matter the angle. 

Dongho rests his forehead against his forearm, going dizzy as Minhyun continues to fuck him relentlessly. He feels Minhyun bending down, completely pressed against his back, lips mouthing at the space next to his left deltoid, sucking a mark over the mole there.

They're not even facing each other, but it still feels so intimate, being held like this, touched like this. Dongho's hard cock twitches in Minhyun's hand, and Minhyun smiles against his shoulder, loving how pliant Dongho gets when he's this fucked out.

“Ah!” Dongho gasps and almost lurches forward in shock, a wave of arousal shooting straight to his cock when Minhyun pinches his nipple again. The nubs are stiff and red, hypersensitive from Minhyun’s constant abuse over the past hour. 

“Hey, do you think—” Minhyun whispers in Dongho’s ear, as calm as can be, despite his rhythm stuttering, “—think I can make you come from just that?”

Dongho doesn't think he has the capacity to answer coherently. Instead, he lets his mouth hang slack as Minhyun strokes his chest, trying not to squirm as the heat pooling in his stomach builds faster and faster.

“I bet I can,” Minhyun says anyway, confident. “I bet you’ll love it, being stripped bare and spread across the sheets for me.” His tongue swipes over the shell of Dongho's ear. “Knowing that I won’t touch you anywhere else but here,” Minhyun says, and to drive the point home, he squeezes Dongho’s pert nipple between his fingers again. 

Dongho shudders, biting his own arm in his daze. But Minhyun doesn’t let up, continuing to thumb the sensitive nub, drowning Dongho with pleasure as he strokes Dongho's cock at the same time. 

“I’ll keep toying with you like this, over and over again, and you won’t know whether to beg me to stop or to continue.” Minhyun smiles. “But you won’t need to, because I _won’t_ stop.” he promises. “I’ll keep going until you come from that alone.” And he means it. The thought of making Dongho come untouched is so arousing that it clouds his head, spurning him to fuck Dongho even harder. “You’d like that wouldn’t you?” 

Dongho doesn’t answer him still. He doesn’t seem to be able to, overstimulated from all sides. He looks like he’s about to combust, body twisting and turning, shaking from sensitivity, face pressing against the sheet, whimpering Minhyun’s name over and over like it’s a holy mantra.

“Minhyun, Minhyun… I… I’m gonna—”

“I know baby, I know,” Minhyun coos. He presses his lips against Dongho’s temple and holds him tightly. “Go ahead. You don’t need to hold yourself back.”

Dongho chokes out a weak, strangled noise that tells Minhyun more than enough. But he didn’t expect Dongho to immediately come, turning his face to muffle his cries into the sheets as he desperately ruts into Minhyun’s hand like an animal, cock spurting all over the sheets underneath.

“Fuck.” Minhyun pauses his thrust, not wanting to overstimulate Dongho any further, but his mouth goes dry as he watches Dongho continue to fuck himself against Minhyun’s cock and into Minhyun’s fist anyways. Dongho doesn't even seem to notice that Minhyun has stopped. He just keeps going, using Minhyun’s body to ride out his own orgasm until he finally loses strength in his limbs and slumps bonelessly into the bed.

Minhyun swallows, speechless. This entire scene will be forever burned into his head.

Eventually, Minhyun pulls out of Dongho’s ass despite still being painfully hard. So he wraps his own fingers around his dick, hissing shakily as he jerks himself off because he’s so, _so_ fucking close to coming (and Dongho’s already given him plenty of material to work with). 

“Hey,” Dongho says, suddenly entering his vision, encircling his hand around Minhyun’s. “Let me help.” 

Minhyun curls his body into Dongho’s embrace, resting his forehead on Dongho’s shoulder gratefully. It doesn’t take long before he starts gasping and convulsing, driven over the edge from Dongho’s warm hands stroking his cock and comes all over Dongho’s body. 

“Thanks,” Minhyun says, completely winded, catching his breath as he comes down from his high. He slumps backward tiredly, unable to prevent his eyes from zoning on where his come has splattered on Dongho’s body, a translucent layer of Minhyun’s filth sliding down his chest and tattoo. 

“Sorry,” Minhyun apologises, as if it doesn’t strangely turn him on seeing Dongho’s muscles covered in his come. “I’ll get that cleaned up.” 

“All good bro. No homo,” Dongho grins and Minhyun immediately rolls his eyes, wondering how he ever fell in love with an idiot who makes such lame jokes. “I’ll just take a shower, it’s okay.” 

“Alright.” Minhyun watches him hop off the bed, planting a quick peck on Minhyun’s cheek before he leaves the room. “That’s kinda gay.” 

“Oh shut up!”

**««**

𝄀 𝄞 2 𝄀 0 𝄀 7 𝄀 7 𝄁

**««**

“So...” Dongho swallows.

“So...?” Minhyun repeats, head tilting. 

Dongho fidgets, squirming from where he’s standing. His brain is suddenly malfunctioning. No thoughts, head empty. 

“Sorry,” Dongho laughs instead, nervous. “I didn’t mean to make this awkward. I don’t know why I’m suddenly like this.” 

“It’s okay,” Minhyun says, patient. 

“Okay well, I guess I owe you an explanation for that night.” Dongho decides to go straight for it. “I didn’t mean to kiss you—” He blinks wildly, panicked. “I mean I did— I want to! But not like _that_.” Dongho sighs, regretting his drunken stupor. Relying on liquid courage was a mistake. “I had this big speech prepared and everything, you know. But then I went and ruined it as usual—”

“Dongho,” Minhyun interjects. “It’s okay. Really. Just tell me what you wanted to say, hm?” 

“Ah…” Dongho hides his face with his palm, the tip of his ears flushed red. “It feels weird to say it out loud but…” 

“I love you, Minhyun,” he confesses. “I always have, you know? Ever since we were kids.” 

Minhyun smiles at him. It’s that cryptic look again. This time Dongho can’t help but notice how Minhyun’s eyes also seem a little sad. 

“I know.”

Out of all the things that Dongho was expecting to hear. It certainly wasn't this. 

“You… did?”

“Not at first, of course. I didn’t even consider the possibility.” Minhyun chuckles at himself. “I didn’t need to, because I thought I knew you better than anyone else.”

Minhyun exhales a long breath. 

“Until I watched Jonghyun fell in love.” His eyes soften. “I saw the way he smiled, the way he laughed, the way he lights up whenever he’s around Aron.” His eyes wander, staring elsewhere. “The way he carefully kept his heart hidden because he’d rather have something then lose everything.”

Dongho feels like his feet is frozen to the ground. 

“After that, I started noticing the same look in your eyes,” Minhyun admits. “At first I tried to deny it, but how could I?” His gaze drops. “You’ve looked at me like that ever since we were young.” 

Dongho's breath catches in his throat. His brain searches for something to say but all the words have run away.

“That’s why I began distancing myself,” Minhyun explains. “I didn’t know how to deal with your feelings for me. Not when I wasn’t even sure of how I felt about you yet. And I figured your feelings wouldn’t get worse if I’m not there to remind you of it.” He keeps staring at his feet. “I know now I only ended up hurting you more. But I really didn’t know what else to do at the time.”

Dongho feels his chest tighten.

Not because he's angry. But because he can finally see where the guilt that has been eating up Minhyun came from. 

It came from _him_.

“And then we had that fight before I left,” Minhyun reminds him and Dongho closes his eyes. He still remembers that day as clearly as yesterday. “I knew why you were mad. You had all the rights to be, after all. I’m the one that fucked up.” 

“But with you, it was never supposed to be a battle. I guess I got too used to you letting me win.” 

“You were so sober that day,” Minhyun recalls, smiling. “You didn’t hesitate to call me out on my mistakes, so I lashed out unfairly.” He purses his lips. “I was really scared you know? When you ran out on me. But I figured we’d brush it under the rug eventually, like we always did.” 

“And then you never showed up at the airport. And that’s when I realised that I had fucked up. Like, truly fucked up.” 

“Then I heard the news that Jonghyun dissolved the band.” He breathes out shakily, lips quivering. “And I felt so fucking guilty, knowing that I had a part in that,” he says. It hurts Dongho to see him looking so shattered. “I couldn’t touch my guitar anymore. Because every time I’m surrounded by music, it reminded me of you,” he admits, eyes downcast. “But I couldn't tell you. I couldn't tell anyone. That I’ve never felt so lonely my entire life.” 

“Because it was all my fault, so I tried convincing myself that it was okay if you hated me. That your life could be way better off without me.” 

“But then you reached out first, out of the blue, and I was so, _so_ relieved.” Minhyun's voice wavers, but he meets Dongho's eyes again, even if his own are threatening to spill. “Because it finally made me realised that even if you could live without me, I couldn’t live without you.” Minhyun laughs, trying to blink his tears away. “I guess, what I’m trying to say is…” 

“I love you too,” Minhyun confesses, wearing that cryptic smile, and finally, Dongho understands what it means. 

_I know you love me. But I wish you knew, that I love you too._

Dongho starts walking toward Minhyun, silently pulling him into his arms. 

“You’re a fucking idiot,” Dongho says, vision blurring from his glassy eyes. He’s soaking Minhyun’s really nice jacket, but he doesn’t care, Minhyun is probably doing the same thing anyway. “You know that?”

Minhyun laughs in his ear, hugging Dongho tightly as the tears continue to roll. “So what?” he says. “You love me regardless.”

“I do,” Dongho happily concedes, sniffling into Minhyun’s shoulder. “I love you.”

“I know,” Minhyun says, eyes closing as he smiles, blissfully content. “I love you too.”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

>   * yes that summary lied to all of u. this fic was nowhere near that level of crack. i'm a scammer.
>   * in all honesty, i ultimately had to remove that section and many others from the final cut of the fic bc i just felt like it didn't fit with how it was progressing.
>   * i might consider posting an outtakes chapter... if i still have the willpower.
>   * i rlly can't write smut to save my life pls dont yell at me. i just wanted to help dongho live up to his full bara thirst-trap potential. 
> 



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